Don’t Be an Ashold: Why Kindness Belongs in Gaming

Video games are a fantastic escape, a place to challenge yourself, connect with friends, and simply have fun. Unless you start a match with friends, you never really know who is on the other side of the screen. You never know what that other human is going through. No, and none of that matters at that place in time because what matters is that you are having fun and most are escaping whatever it is they were going through be it depression, death of a loved one, etc. They’re built on the idea of shared experiences, whether you’re teaming up to conquer a dragon or going head-to-head in a competitive match. But sometimes, that spirit of fun and camaraderie gets lost in a sea of negativity, and a few bad apples spoil the bunch. There’s absolutely no reason to be a jerk to other players, and sending mean messages crosses a line that simply shouldn’t exist in the gaming world.

Think about it: what’s the goal of playing a game? For most of us, it’s enjoyment. We want to unwind, test our skills, and maybe even get a thrill from victory. None of that requires tearing down another person. When someone sends a nasty message, they’re not just expressing frustration; they’re actively trying to diminish another player’s experience. They’re taking something that’s meant to be entertaining and turning it into something hurtful.

This isn’t just about common courtesy; it’s about the very nature of online communities. When we interact with others, even anonymously, we have a responsibility to be respectful. Just because you’re behind a screen doesn’t give you a free pass to unleash your worst impulses. In fact, it’s often easier to be cruel when there’s no immediate face-to-face consequence, which makes it even more important to remember that there’s a real person on the other end of that message. They have feelings, and your words, however fleeting they might seem to you, can have a real impact.

The Night in Elden Ring: A Reminder of Why Kindness Matters

I recently had an experience that perfectly illustrates why this kind of behavior is so damaging. I was playing Elden Ring on Xbox, and as anyone who’s ventured into the Lands Between knows, it can be a challenging game. Sometimes you link up with other players for co-op, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. This particular night, I was paired with someone for a boss fight. We struggled, and ultimately, we failed. That’s part of the game; you learn, you adapt, you try again.

What wasn’t part of the game was the string of incredibly mean messages I received afterward from this player. They were aggressive, insulting, and completely out of line. It wasn’t about the game or our performance; it was a personal attack filled with vitriol.

For me, this hit particularly hard. Three years ago, I had a stroke. It’s been a long and challenging road to recovery, and I’m still working every day to get back to where I was. Before the stroke, I was pretty good at gaming, and at a lot of other things too. Gaming has become an important part of my recovery process. It helps with my hand-eye coordination, my cognitive function, and it offers a much-needed sense of accomplishment and connection. It’s a way for me to feel like myself again, to slowly regain some of the abilities I lost.

When someone sends messages like that, it’s more than just an unpleasant interaction. It’s a punch to the gut. It reminds you of your struggles, of your vulnerabilities. It makes you question why you even bother, why you put yourself out there. It pushes you down when you’re already fighting to stand tall.

But here’s the thing: we can’t let those moments define us. We can’t let the negativity of a few overshadow the positive experiences and the joy that gaming can bring. We have to remember that their words reflect on them, not on us. Their meanness comes from something within them, not from anything you did or didn’t do.

It’s a powerful reminder that while some people might try to knock you down with their words, your journey and your progress are yours alone. As the saying goes, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Don’t give them that power. Keep playing, keep recovering, and keep finding the fun in games, because ultimately, that’s what they’re for.