🎄 Tree Tuesday: The Elf-on-the-Shelf Rivalry 🕵️‍♂️

🚩 Round One: The Positional Gambit

Sparky was spotted on the mantelpiece, looking smug. Tree declared he must establish dominance. His solution? To “out-shelf” the Elf by trying to hang upside down from the picture frame molding. The result was a heroic effort that lasted approximately 47 seconds and culminated in a very slow, graceful topple, knocking over a ceramic reindeer. Tree blamed the reindeer for having “substandard structural integrity.”

🔎 Round Two: The Evidence Hunt

Convinced Sparky was only moving at night, Tree tried to expose him. He constructed a surveillance trap: a complex web of dry spaghetti, tinsel, and a single, suspiciously wobbly candy cane, set up right around the Elf. Tree then staked out the area from behind the sofa, consuming large amounts of emergency Christmas cookies.

The trap remained untouched. Tree, exhausted and buzzing from an entire sleeve of shortbread, fell asleep and demolished the trap himself at 4:00 AM. He woke up covered in tinsel and powdered sugar, looking less like a spy and more like a failed experiment in holiday pastry.

📝 The Climax: Passive-Aggressive Victory

When Tree found Sparky the next morning perched inside the fruit bowl, Tree knew brute force wasn’t the answer. He chose psychological warfare.

He painstakingly wrote a tiny note and placed it right next to the smug Elf. The family was perplexed, but Tree walked away completely vindicated.

(Attach a picture of Tree and the Elf, or just Tree looking stressed)

The Note Read:

“Dear Sparky. I observed your recent positioning in the utensil drawer. It lacked vertical dynamism. If you require a proper debrief on optimal chimney surveillance, my office hours are 9-to-5. Also, stop staring at me. -Tree.”