A Story I Don’t Control

composed by: Melanie Bradley

(Verse 1) The morning comes, a cold and shallow gray, Another heavy blanket on the day. The bed’s a fortress, and I’m trapped inside, With all the thoughts I cannot seem to hide. My body aches, a weight I cannot bear, A hundred tiny battles I can’t share. My spirit feels like sand inside a sieve, And there’s no strength left, just to try and live. This quiet storm, it rages in my head, I am a ghost, though I am not yet dead.
(Pre-Chorus) I wanna laugh and smile and feel the sun, But all the joy inside me feels undone. I’m reaching for a feeling I once knew, But happiness is blurred and painted blue.
(Chorus) Oh, this is not my choice, it’s not a game, A cruel, relentless, and a draining flame. I see the hurt reflected in your eyes, You think I mean to cause these bitter lies. You think I choose to sit here, dark and cold, But this is not a story I control, So listen close, when I can’t make a sound, My battle rages, on this broken ground.
(Verse 2) You ask me “Why?” with a frustrated plea, “Why don’t you try to just get up and be?” You say I push you so far away, That I am shutting out the light of day. But you don’t see the exhaustion, deep inside, The tears I swallow, and the pain I hide. I see your love, I see the ways you care, And it just hurts, that I can’t meet you there. I feel the guilt for every moment lost, And count the quiet, lonely, hidden cost.
(Pre-Chorus) I wanna laugh and smile and feel the sun, But all the joy inside me feels undone. I’m reaching for a feeling I once knew, But happiness is blurred and painted blue.
(Chorus) Oh, this is not my choice, it’s not a game, A cruel, relentless, and a draining flame. I see the hurt reflected in your eyes, You think I mean to cause these bitter lies. You think I choose to sit here, dark and cold, But this is not a story I control, So listen close, when I can’t make a sound, My battle rages, on this broken ground.
(Bridge) My empty words, they hurt you to the core, And I am sorry, I can give you more. I’m not a ship that’s sailing far away, My sails are torn, and I’m just here to stay. And every time you think I don’t give a damn, Please know, that’s just not who I am. The distance that you feel, it’s not for you, It’s just the silence, trying to get through.
(Outro) So when the light is gone, and I am far from sight, Please know I’m fighting, with all of my last might. For a moment in the sun, a quiet, gentle plea, For you to understand, that this is out of me. It’s out of me… It’s just not… Me…